By Gail Truchard

"Oh! I didn't know you were religious." This was the response from most people when I told them that I had decided to go forward for confirmation. Ooh, I thought. I didn't know I was either. To tell you the truth, I guess I hadn't really given it much consideration. So I turned to The Oxford Dictionary of Current English and after reading the definition of 'religious' felt somewhat under-qualified to be a 'confirmee'.

When I was pregnant with Ben such a lot of people felt that they had to make comment on my pregnancy. Well, my experience following my announcement that I intended to be confirmed was remarkably similar.

"Have you not read Marx!?" Yes (reluctantly, mind) I have. But I don't agree that religion merely cushions the effects of oppression while being an instrument of that oppression. Yes I know that religion can be a divisive and disruptive force in society but the reverse is also true; religion can promote solidarity. The rituals of religion, particularly those practiced at times of pain or anxiety can provide confidence and a feeling of control.

I hadn't realised that I was supposed to consider the societal implications of my decision, or even that there were any. The decision was all about me! I really didn't know how to put what I was looking for into words. I just knew that I was in need of guidance, in need of a new way to live. (By strange coincidence perhaps, my gift from the congregation at All Saints was Bill Hybels' Making Life Work .)

On October 1 st 1985 I was presented with The New Testament and Psalms by The Gideons International. I have always kept it close and I have always taken comfort from one part in particular; John11:25-27 "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die." I discovered these words when one evening I was so agitated and dismayed by the prospect of my own death I turned to the section at the front of the book: Where to find help when: - and I found help. I took comfort when I needed it but I never chose to explore my own faith any further. Many years later I decided the time had come to do just that.

I was rather nervous when asked at one of the first meetings of my confirmation group what had brought me to this place. The first thing I thought was oh no, my motivation isn't genuine enough, it's not credible, it's not 'legitimate'. I made some attempt to explain how I had always taken great comfort from John 11: 25-27 and I also tried to explain how I wanted to be a person with peace of mind. Now, yes there probably are other ways to achieve peace-of-mind but I felt that to turn to God would be the most successful and beneficial. I know people whose faith is strong and they are the people whom I have always most wanted to be like. They appear to have a strength that carries them through the tough times but also lends them guidance on how to behave daily. Even writing the words 'to turn to God' I realise that I have made a big commitment. It's a little intimidating actually. I know that I will not always be the best I can be. I know that I will overreact, lose my temper, and fail to see the best in others or even myself. But I feel better knowing that I have begun a journey and I am travelling with a friend.